How to Write Romantic Pining

How to Write Romantic Pining

When writing romance, pining is everything. Readers want to see how desperately a character wants the romance, and how fervently they believe it’s never going to happen. That way, when it does happen, the rush of happy emotions takes the reader right along with it.

Writing pining is all about playing with your character’s emotions, which romance writers probably enjoy far too much. Let’s start with the happy part:

Your character is in love.

And probably lust as well. In any case, they believe their crush is the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing person in the entire world. Your character imagines what it would be like to spend a day with their crush, a dance, a night, a lifetime. Your character wants to be their crush’s special someone, the person they come to when they need help, whose comforting embrace they seek. The person who’s allowed to touch and kiss and openly love them.

Now it may be the case that your character is already some of these things to their crush: a best friend, a confidant who knows what makes them laugh, a person who’s seen what their smile looks like under every kind of light. It might even be the case that your character and their crush are already lovers. But it’s just not enough for your character. They are in love, and they want it all: to be able to tell their crush how much they love them, to have a relationship that lasts the rest of their lives.

So now here comes the heartbreak:

Your character thinks it’s unrequited.

Your character must believe there is no path to a happy ending. Maybe their crush has a romantic partner already, or has rejected romantic overtures from your character before. Maybe the crush doesn’t seem to be into people of your character’s gender identity. Maybe the crush has sworn off romance or just seems completely satisfied being friends. Or your character believes they’re not pretty/smart/cool enough for their crush to ever think of them romantically.

This part is entirely emotional. It doesn’t matter what the outside circumstances of the relationship are. What’s important is your character believes that their crush is not in love with them now, and will never be.

But let’s talk about those outside circumstances a little:

Also, it’s impossible.

It’s a great idea to put additional barriers between your character and their crush, so the reader (who knows it’s requited), still thinks it really is unworkable. Maybe one of them is betrothed to someone else. Maybe the romance would need to cross a boundary: warring families, a commoner in love with a royal, or one of them’s a werewolf. It doesn’t have to be literally forbidden: maybe one is very outgoing and the other hates parties, or one is quite wealthy and connected and the other poor, or there’s an age difference (between adults). The point is, even if they are in love, your character and their crush will have to work to get past whatever sticking point you wrote for them.

But get past it, they will, of course, because this is romance, and your readers are looking for the payoff: the hopeless pining that abruptly resolves into joy when the characters realize their love is requited. And the more desperate you make your character, the bigger the rush when it finally happens.

Thanks for reading! To spice up your pining, check out How to Write Sexual Tension. And find more on how to set up that big romantic payoff in POV Switching in Romance.

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